The History of "Nerd"

There is some debate over the origin of the word nerd, some say it was first recorded by Dr. Seuss, however scientific and literary evidence to the contrary has recently come to light. According to the American Heritage Dictionary the word "nerd, undefined but illustrated, first appeared in 1950 in Dr. Seuss's If I Ran the Zoo: 'And then, just to show them, I'll sail to Ka-Troo And Bring Back an It-Kutch a Preep and a Proo A Nerkle a Nerd and a Seersucker, too!'" citing Dr. Seuss as the origin of the word.
Long before Dr Seuss, in the Elizabethan court, there was Wiley Shockespair –a knock off of the much better known William Shakespeare- who wrote such works as MacNugget, Julius Ceaser Salad, and OJello. Where Shakespeare wrote "Turn Hellhound, Turn" in Macbeth, Shockespair wrote "Come back here, you nerd!" proving that the word "nerd" was in existence long before 1950. Although Shockespair's use of the word "nerd" suggests an insult definition is not explicitly provided. However there are records of the word nerd go back even farther.
The assassination of Julius Caesar may have been a tragedy but Caesar had the last laugh. According to the diary kept by Brutus, Caesar's final words were not "et tu Brute?" as suggested by many but rather "Brute, vos es a nerd," roughly translating to "Brutus, you are a nerd," Caesar died laughing. Apparently the insult made Brutus cry, according to his diary.
Even before the Romans or the Egyptians there were the cavemen. Upon examining several cave paintings in Montana, archaeologists came to the conclusion that a prominent character in all of the paintings appeared to be a secluded and sickly male who managed to stay alive only through protection. He was apparently protected because of his invaluable ability to fix and create things. Unfortunately he created a Mastodon Whistle designed to call mastodons; when he tried it out he was trampled to death. Evidently his last utterance was a noise to the effect of "NEEEEEARD." This concept corroborates a fossilized caveman who was apparently crushed to death. The fossilized skeleton was found with what appears to be an animal skin pocket protector.
Evidently the word "nerd" dates back beyond memory and history so one can assume that nerds have played a notable enough role in history to be remembered for millions of years. Those people strong enough to claim the moniker of nerd for themselves should stand up and be proud of their vast heritage. *
*note: This entire article is fictional and made up; but then, most of history is. You know George Washington never cut down a cherry tree!